Will I ever sleep again?I discovered a whole new level of tiredness when I became a mother. At times, I felt like a zombie, not making sense at all! I think it is a shock for all of us. But there are things we can do to make it a little bit easier, and I have Lisa with us again today to chat about this and give us some tips. Education is key. I especially recommend this blog post for pregnant women, so they can be better prepared when the baby arrives. Sleep is a big topic for all parents with new babies! People ask me, is he sleeping? And I usually just say yes! In truth, babies are meant to wake up at frequent intervals during the night to feed in the early weeks and months. This is the biological norm. Of course, each baby is different and some infants sleep for longer stretches than others, regardless of how they are fed. The first thing would be to educate new mums about this so that they have realistic expectations of their baby’s nighttime needs. It is easier for the mum if she has her baby sleeping close by. This is the concept of co-sleeping and can mean anything from having the baby beside you in the bed, to being in a co-sleeper attached to the bed, or in a cot/crib in the room. For me personally and for many breastfeeding mums, the easiest way to have the maximum amount of sleep is to have the baby with you in the bed. Having the baby in the cot, even is he or she is the room with you can be more difficult. You still have to sit up, turn on the lights, pick the baby up, bring the baby into your bed for a feed, and then put the baby back. In general you tend to wake up more and will find it harder to get back to sleep.
It is a relatively new thing to have the baby sleeping in a separate room, or in a cot and unusual for the baby not to be beside the mother on the bed in most parts of the world. But it is really important to stress to new mums that bedsharing must be done safely. I always refer people to the website www.isisonline.org.uk (Infant sleep information source) for advice on safe infant sleep. It’s also important to stress that, however a family chooses to sleep, official guidelines tell parents to keep babies in their parents’ room until they are 6 months old. This is because the risk of SIDS (cot death/ Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) is greater for babies who sleep on their own compared to sleeping in the presence of an adult. It is important that the mattress is firm, not to have duvet covers over the baby’s head, or too many fluffy pillows. Being aware of the possibility of the baby falling out of the bed, and having a bed rail. There are many elements to consider.
There are a lot of people who would quietly say “I have the baby on the bed’, nearly having to whisper it, and talking about it in secret because it is so frowned upon. But yet, you find that a lot of people end doing it. I think sometimes those people may not be doing it safely. They are doing it almost out of desperation as the last resort. Or they are so tired that they take the baby out of the cot and they would accidentally fall asleep next to the baby. So what I prefer to do is to avoid any accidents is to say yes, it is safe to sleep with the baby. By all means have the baby in the bed. It is fine. It is good. However, do it properly and follow the guidelines. This is an important conversation for parents and pregnant women concerned about their sleep when the baby arrives. It is a great shock for most of us. When will my baby sleep through the night? I always thought the baby will sleep there, all night, in the lovely little crib, and I’ll get my sleep after a few weeks. And it was a shock when that didn’t happen! If we have this conversation with women before the baby comes, they are set up safely to co-sleep, if they want to. Some people don’t want to, and that is fine. For me personally, I think if I hadn’t co-slept, I would have gone demented with sleep.
One thing that can really help you rest at night if you co-sleep is to breastfeed your baby as you lay down in bed. If you are really tired, or if you had a c-section, or are still sore after giving birth, this may be a lifesaver. It is so much easier than sitting up, getting pillows, preparing yourself...The best thing about it is that you can have a sleep as well, while you feed. You can do this at nighttime or during the day. I didn’t know I could feed and sleep at the same time when I had my first baby. It is something I learned at the breastfeeding group, and I remember thinking, I wish I had known this before! I wish somebody had told me about this sooner! My baby was 11 weeks old at that stage. From that day, I was never able to tell how many times the baby fed throughout the night. Which leads me to another great topic. Never look at the clock! Or your watch, or your phone because the minute you become focused on what time is it, or how many hours has been since your baby’s last feed it can become almost a fixation. My baby woke up every hour last night. Or the baby woke up at 11, and 1, and 1.30. It becomes an obsession and it stops you from getting a better sleep. If you allow yourself to wake up enough to reach over and grab your phone to look at the time, you have woken up some more, into a lighter phase of sleep and then it is harder to settle back into a deeper sleep. Some people like having their phones beside them, and even go online as they feed. I wouldn’t recommend it at all if you can help it. Use that time to rest. Even if you wake up a little bit when the baby is feeding, just lie down and close your eyes and rest. Ana shares her experience of being told to keep a journal on how long does the baby feed on each side, times etc. This is something some mums do, also through the night. Lisa's advice is clear. Throw those journals in the bin and don’t track your baby’s feeds (unless there is a problem with weight gain). Perhaps there is an issue if the baby is very sleepy when it is first born. Then it is a good idea to wake the baby up and keep track of how many feeds he had during the day. But this is something that may be needed the first week. After that, unless there is another problem, I’d say to people just watch the baby. Feed the baby on demand and learn your baby’s cues. Breastfeeding on demand is feeding whenever your baby wants to be fed. It is usually instinctive for the mother to recognise their baby’s cues. The baby would start munching, trying to latch onto anything on sight, making little grunting noises...if you latch on the baby on at that point and feed the baby on one side until it had enough, and offer the other side. Sometimes they’ll take it sometimes they won’t. But you do not need to time feeds on each side. Don’t wait for your baby to cry. That is a very late stage of hunger for a baby. And you don’t need to look at the clock to see how long it has been since the last feed, or how long did the baby feed for. This makes the whole breastfeeding experience more stressful that it needs to be.
Breastfeeding on demand is also a good way to ensuring the baby is getting a good milk supply. The stimulation of the breast, especially in the early weeks is vital for building up your milk supply. So even though it may seem the baby is on the breast the whole time during the first few weeks and it can be overwhelming (especially for mums who had been told that babies feed every three hours, again, education) but it is normal. If you enjoyed today, join us tomorrow and let's talk about SUPPORT, BABY-WEARING and we give you tips and resources to help you on your journey. For more information on some of these topics, you can also visit www.kellymom.com Feel free to send us any questions, or even share your story if you feel like it! We love receiving all your comments, and they can be helpful to others too. As a way of helping spreading the word (check my first article, where we talk about changing lives) , I am doing an amazing GIVE AWAY in collaboration with Frank&Nora on Instagram and the winner will be announced on the 26th of March, for Mother’s Day. Frank&Nora is an independent growing brand run by Stephanie. A creative, a designer, a wife & a mother. Using 100% organic cotton, they provide affordable quality with a unique customer engagement ethos. Make sure to follow us @anadorado @frankandnora for a chance to win! Big Love, Ana
You have enough milk!First of all I would like to say THANK YOU. I was overwhelmed yesterday by how many of you decided to share your story via Facebook, emails, private messages, commenting on this blog. It really shows how big this is. How important and how deeply affects us. There is a link in between all the stories I read yesterday. You all stressed the importance of SUPPORT. How a simple 5 minute chat with somebody who knows can change everything. How things would have been different if you had had the support you needed and the right information. I am now even more determined now to do this. So thank you again! It is such a privilege to have Lisa on board with us this week. We both sat down and talked about so many aspects of this journey, and I am delighted to be able to share this with you. Remember that as a way of spreading the word I am collaborating with Frank&Nora for a fantastic give away over on Instagram. I am giving away a free baby/family session and Stephanie is offering a 10% discount on her gorgeous products (featured on my images). All you have to do is follow us both on Instagram and tag a friend that may like to participate. Go over and check all the details here!
What is the biggest obstacle for mums when it comes to breastfeeding? In Ireland the biggest barrier is the lack of support. The biggest and most direct line of support for new mothers are generally their own mothers, aunties, sisters...But over the last few generations most women in Ireland didn’t breastfeed, so that direct line of support is gone in most cases. The next line of support we find are public health nurses, midwives and doctors. Even though there are great health care professionals out there, there are a lot who simply don’t know enough about breastfeeding and they quite often get their facts wrong. This leads to women completely giving up at the first hurdle or not even starting at all. I always think it is a shame when a woman wants to breastfeed her baby but before she finds the right support, somebody gets in the way with the wrong information. People don’t mean it. They don't mean to sabotage the breastfeeding relationship, but they do this by giving inappropriate advice. I hear it all the time. The classic one is ‘you don't have enough milk’, which has a huge impact and can have a dramatic effect on the mother. The feeling of wanting to feed your baby is such a primal and powerful thing. Saying or implying those words to a mother- that she doesn’t have enough milk, that she cannot feed her baby- has a massive impact. I have had mums on the phone and at the breastfeeding group thinking that their own milk was not good enough.They feel they have failed. Quite often, it’s just a case of reassurance that everything is going as it should -for example, that it is completely normal for a newborn baby to feed very frequently at the breast, day and night during the first few weeks. Other times there might be an issue affecting the breastfeeding, such as a poor latch, but this can usually be resolved with the correct help.
How can women educate themselves to avoid reaching that situation? I would encourage mothers to attend local breastfeeding groups during their pregnancies. It is so lovely to meet them at that stage. If a pregnant woman comes to the group and sees other mums breastfeeding, gets to talk to the mums, discuss a few hurdles they may face; or even if we can give her access to the right information (websites, contact numbers, etc.) she can educate herself and have the support ready if/when she needs it. I have witnessed that myself. I have met a few pregnant women who did run into problems on day one or two and we were able to help them straight away. That is key with breastfeeding. Sometimes a problem can go on and on for weeks and first time mums may think that is normal to experience ongoing pain or discomfort. But this is not normal! If the issue is identified in the beginning it is much easier to rectify and the mother is more likely to continue breastfeeding. It is more likely to be a positive experience for her. When should women trust their bodies and their instinct? For some women the trust in their bodies is so strong, and the willpower is so strong, that they will do anything they can to continue. But new mums are so vulnerable and it can be hard to plough on, despite problems, if they are not getting the right support. I think it is a good thing to tell mothers to trust their bodies, but it is hard to translate that into reality. I think there are also cultural factors responsible for this. In my opinion, and I could be completely wrong, women in this part of the world are more self conscious about their bodies, and the whole idea of breastfeeding, especially breastfeeding in public, can be major hindering factor.. It always makes me sad when I hear of mums that had no problems with the physical aspect of breastfeeding (baby latches on, baby feeds well, baby is gaining weight) but she is embarrassed to feed in public. The women will after a while feel confined to the house. I often hear women say ‘I can’t go out’, ‘I have to plan the feeds’, ‘I can only go in between feeds, so I can’t meet a friend for coffee’...I remember being at a coffee shop with a group of female friends who didn’t breastfeed. The baby needed to be fed and I remember thinking ‘how am I going to do this? I wasn’t in my comfort zone, I was embarrassed. I thought about going to the car but the baby was getting frantic, so I thought the nearest place was the toilet. So I fed my baby in the toilet. I wouldn’t eat my dinner there, but I fed my baby there. A foreign lady came in to clean and saw me there and asked me ‘why are you feeding your baby in the toilet?’ I felt so bad. I thought, you are right! Why? We know that we have the right to feed in public, but many people can feel embarrassed. I remember feeling that way, because people may look at me and disapprove.
Ana shares that one time a young lady saw her breastfeeding in a shopping centre and said to her friends “look at her. Agh, that is disgusting’. It is a very powerful word to use. Imagine for women who are struggling with breastfeeding in public to get a disapproving look or a comment like that. It would be enough to put you off, unless you had it in you to say no, I am going to do this no matter what! The funny thing is that now on my third baby I would feed anywhere and I wouldn’t care, or look to see if anyone is looking at me. And if someone did come over I’d be well able to address it. I read somewhere of an incident in which somebody said to a breastfeeding mum “that’s disgusting; you wouldn’t urinate in public’. They were likening breastfeeding to urinating. For some people this seems to be associated with something dirty somehow. How do you overcome this? We need more women to breastfeed in public. To normalise it. The more you see it the less strange it becomes. I am all about normalising it. When a woman comes to the groups and shares this insecurity, I would say, yes, I understand that. A lot of women feel that way, I felt like that too. We show them ways to breastfeed discreetly. And actually, most of the time people won’t notice if you are breastfeeding. You can use a shawl, a wrap, breastfeeding clothes..most of the time it looks like you are just holding your baby. It is important we give women confidence. And we can achieve that through the support groups and by getting mums to support each other. If they don’t get to breastfeed in public, it is going to impact on their journey. The milk supply may drop or they will just become so fed up of staying in the house all the time! What can we do when your own family doesn’t support your decision to breastfeed? Educating them can help. I heard someone say that she left some print outs and books on the topic out on the coffee table for people to read. You can try informing them and explain that it is very natural, beneficial, etc. But there has to be an element of carrying on doing what you want to do. Not everything you do must win the approval of your family. But you can surround yourself with people who are doing the same as you. Other mums. It takes a village to raise a family. I am very much in favour of that, and of mums seeking out support from other mums and almost making each other family because otherwise it can be a very isolating experience. If you are the only one in your family breastfeeding and no one is supporting you, you must seek that support from elsewhere. Sometimes the families will gradually accept what you have chosen to do and be on board with it.
We will continue our conversation tomorrow, bringing in a big topic for all parents. SLEEPING! Until then, thanks for reading. Please feel free to comment or ask any questions! Big Love, Ana This week we can CHANGE LIVES. Join me!Ok, this week is going to be emotional. Mother’s day is approaching and this year I want to celebrate it properly. I want to celebrate Motherhood by empowering women and mothers. You don't want much Ana! I hear you say. I know we all have different stories to tell. I am going to tell you mine, hoping I can help you, or that if you know somebody in a similar situation, you can share this and help others too. I became a mother for the first time 8 years ago. During pregnancy, I was a little worried about the pain of giving birth; about labour; about sleeping; about looking after the baby; a million things. But I never really thought about how would I feed the baby. I probably thought at one stage I would try to breastfeed, but I didn’t give it much importance. Until my baby was born. I remember wanting to feed my baby the minute he was born. I was embarrassed to ask if I could, and I was so relieved when my (female) doctor simply asked ‘do you want to feed your baby?” and I did. It was a wonderful feeling. From that moment on I felt this instinct of wanting and needing to feed my baby. But this instinct was challenged and questioned daily for years to come. By midwives, doctors, nurses, family members, friends, and sometimes even myself. It all started in the hospital. I was asked if I wanted to use bottles; your baby needs top ups; write down every time you feed. 15 minutes on each side, only feed every three hours said the doctor. This baby lost 100grs, you may not have enough milk. Do this, don't do that. It was a constant and confusing. After a few days at home, I suffered mastitis, which was extremely painful, and I had a high fever. I had to go see the doctor, take antibiotics and I lost the support at home. You are making yourself sick; just give him a bottle. Go to bed and we will give him a bottle. The health nurse came to the house for a regular visit and told me I needed to rush to the pharmacy and buy formula because the baby was losing weight. I was terrified, tired, in pain, hormonal, and so I got dressed and went to the shop and bought bottles and formula and I gave him one bottle sobbing because IT FELT like the WRONG thing to do, for me. I felt people were approving though. Finally, she came to reason and switched to bottle-feed! But I just couldn’t do it. I threw everything away and I kept at it. It was so painful. I had massive cracks. There was blood as I fed. I was anxious about nights because the pain when I fed was so intense I cried. And I had to keep some of it to myself, or else I would hear the dreaded ‘just give him a bottle’. I argued with my mother, my husband, the health nurse told me she wouldn’t take responsibility for the baby if I continued...but I knew I was doing a good job. The baby was happy, and alert, the nappies clearly showed he was feeding. In the middle of this misery I decided to trust my body and my instinct. I felt so isolated with the lack of support. And I understand they meant well. They were concerned for me because I was in pain. They didn't really know better and were desperate trying to help me. So I read. I read everything that was there to read. Why does this hurt so much. What am I doing wrong? By the time my baby was 5 months old I couldn’t take it anymore. Yes. I did say 5 months old. I rang a local group and asked them for help! I went to one of their meetings, 5 mns away from my house and one of the ladies said to me ‘hun, you are not doing anything wrong. This pain you experience is because you have thrush in your breast, it is normal after having mastitis. There is a cream and drops you can get to solve this. It is simple’. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t even know one could get thrush in the breast!! You cannot see it, it is all internal in the milk conducts and it feels like FIRE. I went to see a (female) GP and this was her reaction: ‘what are you doing to yourself. Do you know what you need? You need a day off, go and get your hair done; Meet a friend. And just give the baby a bottle and forget about this’. I was so angry and frustrated. At the time I just said, ‘But I still need to be treated for this infection’. It turns out what I needed was something I could get over the counter. Double frustration. I can honestly say that breastfeeding was one of the hardest things I have ever done (which later became one of the easiest thing I have ever done), and unfortunately, I didn’t need to be like that. All I needed was support. Support from people who knew more about breastfeeding, from other experienced mums, from my own family and circle of friends. I was very lucky that my husband happened to have a conversation in work with a mother of four who breastfed for years and she educated him. Told him to go home and stand by my side; 'make sure she is fed', she said. 'Make sure she is comfortable'. And he came home that day with the biggest bunch of flowers and said ‘I am sorry, I didn’t know. You are doing an amazing job and I am here to support you’. I could never thank that woman enough for what she did for me that day. This week, I want to be that woman. I am opening a platform for all you who are pregnant and considering breastfeeding. All of you who are having a hard time and feel like I did. All of you who know somebody that may need support right now. Breastfeeding can be, AND IS, an easy, enjoyable journey. I ended up doing it for 6 years! I asked my dear friend Lisa O’Leary to join me this week and talk about some of the myths and facts about breastfeeding. Lisa is a busy mum of 3 children aged 8, 6 and 2 months. She is currently on maternity leave from her job as a community pharmacist. She has trained with the Irish Childbirth Trust, Cuidiú, to become a breastfeeding counsellor and runs support groups. She has amazing supportive advice in store for us this week. We also want you to know where the resources are (websites, links, books, support groups, contact numbers) so you don’t have to struggle like I did, and so many other women do.
Join me on the blog this week, and send us any questions, or even share your story if you feel like it. As a way of helping spreading the word, I am doing an amazing GIVE AWAY in collaboration with Frank&Nora on Instagram and the winner will be announced on the 26th of March, for Mother’s Day. Frank&Nora is an independent growing brand run by Stephanie. A creative, a designer, a wife & a mother. Using 100% organic cotton, they provide affordable quality with a unique customer engagement ethos. We will give you all the details tomorrow, so make sure you are following us @anadorado @frankandnora for a chance to win! Big Love, Ana Memories from 2016Before 2016 is over, I wanted to take a couple of minutes to look back at some of the moments we shared. As I put this together, I realised how much NATURE has been a massive influence in my work over the last few months. I wanted to thank you so much for the incredible support, and wish you all a very Happy New Year. Time to turn the page! Big Love, Ana PS. You can find all these images on my Instagram page if you prefer to look at them at your own pace.
Walls that make you happyOriginal art on your walls is as important as a bed. So experts say. It creates mood, adds colour, personality, inspiration, keeps your brain active and also helps you relax. I want to help you decide how to choose and display it in your home. Give you ideas that can be achieved on a tight budget. 1. WHAT can you display? I love having current photographs of my family around (kids also enjoy seeing them on the walls by the way!). There are so many things that can add that personal touch to your house. Family photos, original art pieces, prints, that piece of fabric that you like (I recently framed a lovely piece from my girl's t-shirt, now too small to wear), kid's drawings...Anything that you like and gives you a good feeling or a happy memory! 2. Choose a WALL that needs some love. A wall you will look at every day. 3. Decide on STYLE. There are so many options it can be overwhelming. Check my Pinterest board for ideas. My favourite? This picture rail from Ikea is brilliant and affordable. Once you have it mounted to the wall you can add, swap and change any frames without marking your walls again. I personally like having pictures on our walls that reflect where we are NOW as a family. Every few months I change all the photos around the house and this is the perfect solution for me.
3. Get some FRAMES If you are in IKEA getting your railings, pick some frames too. Explore colours, sizes, shapes...be adventurous! 4. FRAME, MIX & MATCH Landscapes, portraits, family images, your kids' own drawings...everything goes. Think of it as your own little art gallery, that will grow and evolve as your life does. I enjoy having original art around. Bringing to my world other people's creations. You may like some to take home some of my images too if you are looking for ideas. 5. ENJOY THE VIEW Yes, I love happy walls! |
